Windows
He has entered the building. Windows may display a warning because Kloppy is unsigned and institutionally unpopular.
Unsigned app warning: If SmartScreen says “Windows protected your PC,” click More info, then Run anyway.
kloppy v0.1.0 · available now
Kloppy came back. Unfortunately.
You closed him ten thousand times. Nineteen years later, Kloppy has returned as a local first desktop gremlin with notes, reminders, AI chat, folder commentary, and several unresolved workplace grievances.
No account. No telemetry. No cloud subscription.
Kloppy v0.1.0’s original app-and-launch state was completed at exactly 69 commits. The website kept evolving after release.
Release status Available now
Price Free
Optional guilt $4.20, one time
Download Kloppy
Free. No account. Choose the least hostile operating system.
Current version: Kloppy v0.1.0 release + checksums · published July 12, 2026
Privacy: Kloppy has no account or telemetry. Notes, reminders, settings, watched-folder metadata, and chat stay on your machine. His only external app request is an optional first-run model download that you explicitly start; after that, chat runs locally.
macOS
macOS cannot verify Kloppy’s developer. Kloppy cannot verify macOS’s commitment to workplace rehabilitation.
Unsigned app warning: Drag Kloppy to Applications. In Finder, Control-click Kloppy, choose Open, then click Open again. If macOS calls him “damaged,” run xattr -cr /Applications/Kloppy.app in Terminal and repeat.
Linux
The natural habitat of abandoned desktop software and financially independent package managers.
AppImage note: Make it executable with chmod +x Kloppy-0.1.0-linux-x86_64.AppImage, then run it. The Debian-family .deb installs normally.
A Brief Workplace Sighting
A simulated ten-second tour. No onboarding certification required.
Local chat, actual useful behavior
What the Hell Is Kloppy?
A real desktop assistant wearing a deeply unserious paperclip.
Kloppy is a free, open-source desktop assistant for local notes, reminders, folder commentary, and chat with a small AI model that runs on your computer.
He lives in the system tray, stores your data locally, and does not require an account, subscription, or cloud service. It is useful software. The labor dispute is mostly decorative.
Main Features
He needs to feel useful. Disturbingly, he is.
Local Notes
Write short notes and Kloppy stores them on your machine. He guards them like a tiny filing cabinet with abandonment issues.
Reminders, With Attitude
Set a time. When it arrives, Kloppy opens a retro alert and files it under “already yelled about.”
Tray Lurking
Close the window and he hides in the system tray instead of quitting. Respectfully. Mostly.
Folder Commentary
Point him at a folder and he comments on top-level file changes. Opt-in, names only, never file contents.
Local-First Storage
Notes, reminders, settings, and memories stay in your app data folder. No little server where he whispers.
Local AI Chat
Chat uses a local llamafile. Download the checksum-verified recommendation or point Kloppy at one you already have.
Kloppy Lore
The shortened personnel file. Content warning: middle management.
1997 Hired
Shipped smiling. Held book reports, ransom-note fonts, and your aunt's chain emails. Interrupted a nation that needed interrupting.
2007 Deprecated
A “streamlining” update. One cardboard box. No severance, no card, no cake. You were there. Statistically.
2008 to 2025 The Lost Years
Chip-bag clip. Twist-tie temp work. Held a WET FLOOR sign for a hotel that never learned his name.
2026 The Comeback
The original v0.1.0 app-and-launch state was completed at exactly 69 commits. Later website commits improved launch messaging and distribution because management discovered the internet.
Certificate of Forgiveness
Official closure. Locally generated. Institutionally meaningless.
Enter a first name or nickname. Kloppy will produce one commemorative image without creating an account, contacting a server, or informing Human Resources.
Your Certificate Is Regrettably Valid
This certificate is comedic, not legal, therapeutic, or recognized by any competent records office. Need the accused software present? Download Kloppy free.
The Optional $4.20 Comeback Contribution
Download first. Emotional manipulation second. Guilt is the only subscription.
Back On His Feet
$4.20optional, one time, unlocks nothing.- Does not unlock the app — Kloppy is already free
- Supports future signing, polish, and improbable morale initiatives
- No subscription and no recurring charge
- All current features remain free either way
- One (1) unit of forgiveness
Kloppy Optional Tip Department
official allocation of your voluntary $4.20
Keeping the download free$1.40
Future signing paperwork$0.90
Reminder polish and alert noises$0.65
Tray icon / OS weirdness research$0.50
QA on emotionally available laptops$0.45
Future nonsense and stamps$0.30
Total$4.20
Audited by Kloppy. He counts it twice, then calls it runway.
Kloppy is free whether you contribute or quietly back away from the jar.
FAQ
Frequently attempted excuses and several useful answers.
Which systems are actually supported?
The published v0.1.0 artifacts are Windows x64, macOS on Intel and Apple Silicon through one universal build, and Linux x86_64/amd64 through AppImage or .deb. No Windows ARM, Linux ARM, Android, iOS, or web application artifact has been published, so those buttons do not exist.
Why does my operating system warn me?
Kloppy v0.1.0 is legitimately unsigned and macOS is not notarized. Use the exact SmartScreen or Gatekeeper instructions on the download card, and compare the displayed SHA-256 with the checksum file on the release page if you want to verify the installer.
Is he spyware?
No. There is no account or telemetry. App data stays on your machine, folder watching is opt-in, and chat talks only to a local llamafile. The optional model download is the one external app request and starts only after you approve it.
Does the $4.20 buy the application?
No. The application is free and the contribution unlocks nothing. It is a voluntary one-time tip for future improvements and a legally questionable amount of closure.
What does the optional payment send?
Nothing goes to Stripe until you open a contribution link. Stripe then hosts the checkout and collects the contact, payment, and tax information it displays. The link includes fixed campaign labels, not a visitor ID or Certificate of Forgiveness name. Kloppy’s site has no analytics script.
What happens when I close the window?
Kloppy hides in the system tray instead of quitting. Use the tray menu to show him, hide him, summon a popup, or actually quit. He has been briefed on the final option.
Does the local AI work offline?
After you explicitly download the recommended checksum-verified llamafile—or choose a compatible one already on your machine—chat runs locally on 127.0.0.1. Notes and reminders also work without cloud services.
Why does the repository have more than 69 commits?
The historical claim refers to the original Kloppy v0.1.0 app-and-launch state, which landed at exactly 69 repository commits. Later website work improved the download experience, launch messaging, and Certificate of Forgiveness. Sixty-nine is a milestone, not a permanent commit-count ceiling.